12:25 p.m.||||2003-09-25
ech. I spent the wee hours of this morning back at b-ass wh@#$re's house, moving most of Dave's clothes and cd's and various assorted sundry collections of crap into my car to transport back to my mom's, where we now officially live. After welcoming me back warmly less than a week ago, mil had a blow-out in response to a tantrum Josh had (because she was ignoring him)(and Dave was in the other room making dinner, trying to ignore the tantrum, not him), and she hatefully said that if we were good parents, Josh wouldn't be having tantrums (you know, the ones endemic to this age, bringing to it the coined phrase "terrible twos"?). Because Dave didn't immediately make love to her ass with his lips, she freaked out and said he isn't welcome in her house. About time, I'd say. It still goes, contempt, anger, prayer, wishes for a forgiving spirit, back to contempt and anger here in this ole girl's ever cyclical mind....I want to let go. I should never have agreed to live there. I was warned, I was warned amply - none of this has surprised Dave, and the reassurance I have that my life will go on, is that he is at least able to trust ME with his feelings. Our relationship has been better the past three weeks than it has been in a year, ironically. It's just sad that she DID turn out to be a totally toxic relative....and it's worse than dislike. I don't trust her with any part of Josh's development.
What kills me is Josh has infinitely more respect for my mom's discipline and is quite a bit more affectionate with her...he has always seemed to see through mil's cloying cooing ways, and the fact that she's only interested in him when he's being cute. It's like, dance, boy, dance. Disgusting. Disappointing.
OK. I need to unpack and go work on my resume.