3:35 p.m.||||2003-02-07
Here's what happened to the band I used to be in
And here's band who stole the name of another band I used to be in We were Autopilot, but as far as I can recall we were not from Detroit.
Bah humbug.
2:26 a.m.||||2003-02-04
it is two thrity in the bleeding morning but I wanted to tell you that tomorrow I send off that resume to the job I was once talking about - please think fond thoughts, mutter sincere but brief prayers that I will get this web design job.
I deserve it.
I can think of no other time in my life when I was so motivated to earn something new, and it is time to start a career, and step up to support my family.
My resume is sweet.
And tomorrow, photos of my son, the virtuoso piano rocker!
Gene - I reinstalled messenger.
Alan - miss you.
Pablo - miss you.
Did not know that Pablo and Peth spent some time in the same room - so jealous!
8:08 p.m.||||2003-01-31
Oh how silly. I put my diaryland stats tracker in the templates for my new site, and thought I changed all the user names, but guess not, so I have had like thirty hits from my other site in like an hour.
I have been making web pages for ten hours today. I am insane.
12:28 a.m.||||2003-01-29
well great. now i am a server, so now what? would you like some service? perhaps I can be of...you are complaining about our what?
bwhaha. it would suck to really really be a server admin. I only did this so I can figure out the PHP scene. "im down with php".
now i have im down with opp in my head. GREAT. im typing like this cause im essentially lazy, d & j are asleep together on the couch downstairs and mil is asleep on the other side of this clackety clacking.
so, state of the union. i thought he might actually say something.
ok, not really.
i really dont know what to expect. i have my opinions, illformed though they sometimes are, and because i am afraid this journal will be read by people im expected to hang out with for the rest of my life, i will not spout off. not right now. cause i dont know. foreign affairs are not my specific interest- economic reform and cultural diversification are. i need to some serious fucking research soon.
ok, let it go.
i want to really ask the people i read whom i happen to nkow are smarter than me in this regard, what they think, but to do so feels ridiculous - fer cryin out loud, i do live here.
motherhood did happen to fasten some blinders from sheer panic upon my visage, because when 911 happened, my son was 4 months old, and I was still steeped in hormones, i needed to distance myself in order to survive. except first i steeped myself in the debacle intself, with all its attendant news coverage, and then i turned it off.
im not apathetic nor do i espouse inactivity - but im bound to survive the events of history and my own life in any way i can - all better choices than death, right?
i do what i meant by that but its too late to explain it to you.
please forgive my lowercase - night.
7:12 p.m.||||2003-01-28
...Josh is saying "doo doo - a- do - dow" into the calculator, thinking it's a cell phone.
...Umm, the first server software I downloaded was in French, and I'm not all that convinced I can still read it, so pbbbsssttt. I'm downloading a different one.
He's gonna call grandma on the cell calculator, gotta go.
6:42 p.m.||||2003-01-28
So there are few things cuter than a nineteen month eating an entire clementine.
Actually, in brief, now we're into leftover shrimp alfredo that yours truly put together in a mad quest for seafood yesterday.
And he's eatin one noodle at a time, sucking the long strands into his pucker one at a time.
Should I watch the news tonight?
This is actually my aside from what I was doing - downloading a freaking server. I wonder if I have room. We'll see. Should.
I am sooooooooo glad Lazy up dated. He's a dear dear friend, in case you didn't know.
I am listening to the singlemost best and greatest mix cd I ever made: Cat Power, My Morning Jacket, Fugazi, PalaceBrothers, Red House Painters (awwww), YoLaTengo, and much much more. Quite possibly the most eclectic groupa songs ever - I'm about to make some cd's to send and the funny thing is that they read like a bizarre tale of Americana...it is so obvious that I enjoy this fucking country that it becomes hard to imagine how disillusioned I truly am. Flannery O'Connor, Steinbeck, Vonnegut, fucking Faulkner. I can't help it. The fact that I love Cat Power and Palace Brothers should explain a lot. I like a lot of things, though, and even those aren't representative. I am a die hard fan of fucked up folk.
Well, I have a server on my own machine now, so I can practise PHP. Please wish me luck.
This commercial brought to you by....
12:22 p.m.||||2003-01-27
Wow, the weekend is a blur, only because I slept through most of it.
Went to K & A's yesterday to admire their new flooring in their new house, which rules. Fow now I will simply live vicariously through the adulthood of others. The thought of one day owning my own house is almost too much to contemplate.
Their little house is sososoossos nifty.
Anyway.
The thought of one day having a second car is enough to stop my heart.
Whine.
Played the worst game of darts of my entire life also....probably beause I haven't hung out with Haryy for two weeks - his mysterious silence means one thing. Or one other thing. That because I don't call all the time to see what he's up to - working, constantly - then I must be on drugs. Or, after the last time we hung out and I tried to excite him with stories of web design and software, he has finally decided there's no reason to keep me around. It's probably a combinaiton of both.
So. I started thinking, that sometimes when you have problems in a friendship that are caused primarily by drugs, when the drugs are removed, many if not all of those same issues will still be there, waiting to be resolved. He and I have a lot less in common when we're not desperate. He's happy in his church and his job and I'm still out in the fucking flock, apparently. Sometimes it's irritating to realize nothing you can do will make you valid in another's eyes.
I say all this - but it'll be fine. Most likely. I'm just sick of being the one to show an interest...and annoyed because it was so obvious he couldn't care less what I was trying to show him last time we hung out. And I got hyper and over animated trying to compensate, and that is, to hin, always a sign of somehting bad. So what am I supposed to do? Ya know? Short circuit half my personality so he doesn't always assume I'm one explosive short of a bomb?
I want a house.
And a car.
And a great job getting paid.
And friends who don't go all fair weather on me - or in this case, something else.
6:30 p.m.||||2003-01-24
Oh,please go see this and check it out and come back and tell me I rule. Hehe. Bathhousebetty!
6:13 p.m.||||2003-01-24
I think Quicktime is retarded. I downloaded it again because I stumbled across a nifty site with a buncha Bjork videos, all requiring quicktime. And it works with none of them. If they could be downloaded first, they would do allright, but the streaming thing with Quicktime does not now nor has it EVER worked.
It's the weekend, blahblah.
I need a new book to read, and I need a break. I have some designing to do but it's down to the nuts and bolts part of ironing out the creases and deciding to go CSS or not, and trying to puke up a couple more non-image templates (I always feel what's the point? Although a series of wellmade nested tables is always a fine thing to see...) Internal scrol have always been such a great way to control parameters, and yet, are unsupported really, so I'm struggling with how to create long pages that really work in terms of photos and not lengthening weird cells in unpredictable ways....and also, blogs. I am such a fan of photography that it's a handicap, really.
AND
I have no idea, none! why I'm going on about this other than that I feel a little off and a bit lonely and a little annoyed that it's Friday night and there are no babysitting gps in the future for it.
Is it terribly expensive to mail a cd and letter form the Midwest to London? I hope not.
I need to start burning cd's.
I'm going to go harass my friend.
later.
7:19 p.m.||||2003-01-23
I run designing almost like a job I'm addicted to, but without getting paid. And I'm learning how I am to work for myself, what it's like to be under my own employ, so to speak, and I notice I'm a nervous worker. But because I know myself so well, I avoid saying, hey, I notice you're having a terrible week, I think, ok, it's obvious your creative cycle goes this way, and this week'll put you on "tasks".
I swear to God, even though I'm chuckling, I am serious.
I just wish I didn't spend some part of every single week having some kind of breakdown over not getting out of the house enough, not having enough lingual, at-least-in some part of-reality-going through something-similar-to-me - friends to spend time with. I am both a psychotic loner, but someone who needs tons of occasional and carefully planned and well executed social interactions. As well.
I have had to begin playing Fugazi as Josh has just awakened - hellooooo sleepy head. I keep thinking, and jumping out of my skin because of it, that someone is downstairs knocking on the door - about five out of six times it is actually true. Last time it was dave's sister's husband bringing us like seven hundred donuts. When people come to the door unannounced, I come down the stairs with a face like freaking attila, I know it, I can't help it, I feel such hostility. More than once I startled girls selling Girl Scout cookies, and I really shocked the dude trying to sell us a different kind of cable then the kind we have now - what - how many kinds can there be?
But he was nice, and I could see as soon as I reached to open the door that he came in peace so I readjusted my face....but I know he got it - he saw it all
Some times when the phone rings I actually yell at it accusatorially..
I have to go see a man about a toddler's dinner.
"shallow dayyyys -
hollow nights....."
3:42 p.m.||||2003-01-23
::grumblegrumble:: *gnaw on Robitussin bottle*
Created by ptocheia
11:41 p.m.||||2003-01-21
Hmmpphhh. The heat is out again. Dave's at band practise, his mom's been in the basement for like an hour and a half, the Osbournes were boring, I ate a lot today, uh, I fixed those entries, um, what else? Oh...my guestbook is no longer sending me mail to alert me of signings...
Josh went from laughing hysterically at diaper changes to throwing fighting, kicking, hateful fits...I think it's about not having the power over diapers and clothes. Also, he has recently discovered he likes his naked butt...and he likes how anything under the naked butt feels. Think of how numbing a dipaer would become after a while, and then - voila! - air, cloth, carpet! Who-hoo.
I have been trying to pull my design site together all week- along with updates on BHB..and all is well in the encroaching web design world.
I am, however, exhausted beyond comprehension.
Adieu
12:39 p.m.||||2003-01-20
12:03 p.m.||||2003-01-20
Oh man, I swore I wouldn't do it again, but I passworded some older entries because I realized that, like an ass, I put my URl in the guestbook of bahthousebetty and some family members may get to this through that - I really hope not. I'm gping to clean some stuff up and reopen shop on the past couple html pages, but for now, email for the password if you missed something and are dying to know.
Anyway, pictures today!! 2002-12-18 11:36 a.m. 41 mintutes, 27 seconds until Pain Shop Pro trial version.
In other news, I'm all alight making tweens.
Haha, I wrote "Pain" shop pro, think I'll leave that. Getting booted every nine minutes because I have been doing little else but dancing with Josh and uploading for two days is indeed very painful. 2003-01-21 Hmmpphhh. The heat is out again. Dave's at band practise, his mom's been in the basement for like an hour and a half, the Osbournes were boring, I ate a lot today, uh, I fixed those entries, um, what else? Oh...my guestbook is no longer sending me mail to alert me of signings...
Josh went from laughing hysterically at diaper changes to throwing fighting, kicking, hateful fits...I think it's about not having the power over diapers and clothes. Also, he has recently discovered he likes his naked butt...and he likes how anything under the naked butt feels. Think of how numbing a dipaer would become after a while, and then - voila! - air, cloth, carpet! Who-hoo.
I have been trying to pull my design site together all week- along with updates on BHB..and all is well in the encroaching web design world.
I am, however, exhausted beyond comprehension.
Adieu
::grumblegrumble:: *gnaw on Robitussin bottle*
Created by ptocheia
2003-01-23 7:19 p.m. I run designing almost like a job I'm addicted to, but without getting paid. And I'm learning how I am to work for myself, what it's like to be under my own employ, so to speak, and I notice I'm a nervous worker. But because I know myself so well, I avoid saying, hey, I notice you're having a terrible week, I think, ok, it's obvious your creative cycle goes this way, and this week'll put you on "tasks".
I swear to God, even though I'm chuckling, I am serious.
I just wish I didn't spend some part of every single week having some kind of breakdown over not getting out of the house enough, not having enough lingual, at-least-in some part of-reality-going through something-similar-to-me - friends to spend time with. I am both a psychotic loner, but someone who needs tons of occasional and carefully planned and well executed social interactions. As well.
I have had to begin playing Fugazi as Josh has just awakened - hellooooo sleepy head. I keep thinking, and jumping out of my skin because of it, that someone is downstairs knocking on the door - about five out of six times it is actually true. Last time it was dave's sister's husband bringing us like seven hundred donuts. When people come to the door unannounced, I come down the stairs with a face like freaking attila, I know it, I can't help it, I feel such hostility. More than once I startled girls selling Girl Scout cookies, and I really shocked the dude trying to sell us a different kind of cable then the kind we have now - what - how many kinds can there be?
But he was nice, and I could see as soon as I reached to open the door that he came in peace so I readjusted my face....but I know he got it - he saw it all
Some times when the phone rings I actually yell at it accusatorially..
I have to go see a man about a toddler's dinner.
"shallow dayyyys -
hollow nights....." I think Quicktime is retarded. I downloaded it again because I stumbled across a nifty site with a buncha Bjork videos, all requiring quicktime. And it works with none of them. If they could be downloaded first, they would do allright, but the streaming thing with Quicktime does not now nor has it EVER worked.
It's the weekend, blahblah.
I need a new book to read, and I need a break. I have some designing to do but it's down to the nuts and bolts part of ironing out the creases and deciding to go CSS or not, and trying to puke up a couple more non-image templates (I always feel what's the point? Although a series of wellmade nested tables is always a fine thing to see...) Internal scrol have always been such a great way to control parameters, and yet, are unsupported really, so I'm struggling with how to create long pages that really work in terms of photos and not lengthening weird cells in unpredictable ways....and also, blogs. I am such a fan of photography that it's a handicap, really.
AND
I have no idea, none! why I'm going on about this other than that I feel a little off and a bit lonely and a little annoyed that it's Friday night and there are no babysitting gps in the future for it.
Is it terribly expensive to mail a cd and letter form the Midwest to London? I hope not.
I need to start burning cd's.
I'm going to go harass my friend.
later. Oh,please go see this and check it out and come back and tell me I rule. Hehe. Bathhousebetty! 2003-01-27Wow, the weekend is a blur, only because I slept through most of it.
Went to K & A's yesterday to admire their new flooring in their new house, which rules. Fow now I will simply live vicariously through the adulthood of others. The thought of one day owning my own house is almost too much to contemplate.
Their little house is sososoossos nifty.
Anyway.
The thought of one day having a second car is enough to stop my heart.
Whine.
Played the worst game of darts of my entire life also....probably beause I haven't hung out with Haryy for two weeks - his mysterious silence means one thing. Or one other thing. That because I don't call all the time to see what he's up to - working, constantly - then I must be on drugs. Or, after the last time we hung out and I tried to excite him with stories of web design and software, he has finally decided there's no reason to keep me around. It's probably a combinaiton of both.
So. I started thinking, that sometimes when you have problems in a friendship that are caused primarily by drugs, when the drugs are removed, many if not all of those same issues will still be there, waiting to be resolved. He and I have a lot less in common when we're not desperate. He's happy in his church and his job and I'm still out in the fucking flock, apparently. Sometimes it's irritating to realize nothing you can do will make you valid in another's eyes.
I say all this - but it'll be fine. Most likely. I'm just sick of being the one to show an interest...and annoyed because it was so obvious he couldn't care less what I was trying to show him last time we hung out. And I got hyper and over animated trying to compensate, and that is, to hin, always a sign of somehting bad. So what am I supposed to do? Ya know? Short circuit half my personality so he doesn't always assume I'm one explosive short of a bomb?
I want a house.
And a car.
And a great job getting paid.
And friends who don't go all fair weather on me - or in this case, something else. So there are few things cuter than a nineteen month eating an entire clementine.
Actually, in brief, now we're into leftover shrimp alfredo that yours truly put together in a mad quest for seafood yesterday.
And he's eatin one noodle at a time, sucking the long strands into his pucker one at a time.
Should I watch the news tonight?
This is actually my aside from what I was doing - downloading a freaking server. I wonder if I have room. We'll see. Should.
I am sooooooooo glad Lazy up dated. He's a dear dear friend, in case you didn't know.
I am listening to the singlemost best and greatest mix cd I ever made: Cat Power, My Morning Jacket, Fugazi, PalaceBrothers, Red House Painters (awwww), YoLaTengo, and much much more. Quite possibly the most eclectic groupa songs ever - I'm about to make some cd's to send and the funny thing is that they read like a bizarre tale of Americana...it is so obvious that I enjoy this fucking country that it becomes hard to imagine how disillusioned I truly am. Flannery O'Connor, Steinbeck, Vonnegut, fucking Faulkner. I can't help it. The fact that I love Cat Power and Palace Brothers should explain a lot. I like a lot of things, though, and even those aren't representative. I am a die hard fan of fucked up folk.
Well, I have a server on my own machine now, so I can practise PHP. Please wish me luck.
This commercial brought to you by....
...Josh is saying "doo doo - a- do - dow" into the calculator, thinking it's a cell phone.
...Umm, the first server software I downloaded was in French, and I'm not all that convinced I can still read it, so pbbbsssttt. I'm downloading a different one.
He's gonna call grandma on the cell calculator, gotta go.
2003-01-29 well great. now i am a server, so now what? would you like some service? perhaps I can be of...you are complaining about our what?
bwhaha. it would suck to really really be a server admin. I only did this so I can figure out the PHP scene. "im down with php".
now i have im down with opp in my head. GREAT. im typing like this cause im essentially lazy, d & j are asleep together on the couch downstairs and mil is asleep on the other side of this clackety clacking.
so, state of the union. i thought he might actually say something.
ok, not really.
i really dont know what to expect. i have my opinions, illformed though they sometimes are, and because i am afraid this journal will be read by people im expected to hang out with for the rest of my life, i will not spout off. not right now. cause i dont know. foreign affairs are not my specific interest- economic reform and cultural diversification are. i need to some serious fucking research soon.
ok, let it go.
i want to really ask the people i read whom i happen to nkow are smarter than me in this regard, what they think, but to do so feels ridiculous - fer cryin out loud, i do live here.
motherhood did happen to fasten some blinders from sheer panic upon my visage, because when 911 happened, my son was 4 months old, and I was still steeped in hormones, i needed to distance myself in order to survive. except first i steeped myself in the debacle intself, with all its attendant news coverage, and then i turned it off.
im not apathetic nor do i espouse inactivity - but im bound to survive the events of history and my own life in any way i can - all better choices than death, right?
i do what i meant by that but its too late to explain it to you.
please forgive my lowercase - night. 2003-01-31 Oh how silly. I put my diaryland stats tracker in the templates for my new site, and thought I changed all the user names, but guess not, so I have had like thirty hits from my other site in like an hour.
I have been making web pages for ten hours today. I am insane. it is two thrity in the bleeding morning but I wanted to tell you that tomorrow I send off that resume to the job I was once talking about - please think fond thoughts, mutter sincere but brief prayers that I will get this web design job.
I deserve it.
I can think of no other time in my life when I was so motivated to earn something new, and it is time to start a career, and step up to support my family.
My resume is sweet.
And tomorrow, photos of my son, the virtuoso piano rocker!
Gene - I reinstalled messenger.
Alan - miss you.
Pablo - miss you.
Did not know that Pablo and Peth spent some time in the same room - so jealous!
Here's what happened to the band I used to be in
And here's band who stole the name of another band I used to be in We were Autopilot, but as far as I can recall we were not from Detroit.
Bah humbug.