11:35 p.m.||||2003-03-14

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God damn it why did I ever go blog - it fucked this up for good. Sorry, worldchild, you can't get it back. It sucks sucks sucks hard like every thing else except the other writers here at ole dland lately, and I'm sick of it and I'm thinking of moving except oops there goes the audience.

But man, why bother, cause oh I have been maudlin lately, without even being able to describe it to myself, but HOLY SHIT.

The other night.

There is one foul sentence of all the shit I said to Dave - some of which he had coming because he started it, totally, and no-one can measure my feeling of un-lovedness...stemming from him....like me, and most of THAT boils down to sex, which is hard for me to maintain because -as I told him "at least you didn't have to *&^^^ A &**& AND SUCK A &*(*&*&*!!!!"

And we haven't talked about those words I said, but I remember two people behind the bar and a couple in front hearing it and going "whoaaaa, time to go", and I didn't care and I finished the thought. In public, in tears, ready to die any second.

Word to your mother, never ever drink when you are a premenstrual woman.

So ironic. The day before my birthday, when I always get a job. (Got one, started today, tell you later...menial) The day before my period when psycho shit always happens.

Anyway, apparently I will have to compile every single entry from the html pages I used for the blog and put each into one, if you know what the tiring utterly useless fuck I mean.

Good night.