2:54 a.m.||||2002-09-21

It's three flights, two noisy floors and one noisy door for a cigarette
I am not hungry in the least but still find myself fantasizing about microwaving a stupid chicken pot pie, which would be pasty yet delicious, unsatisfying but also instantly gratifying. It's big. Too big for three in the morning as I sit here staring mutely at this screen, which displays, in addition to this entry, two paused downloads of script-writing utilities.

Please do not even farkin' ask.

I am freaking out on a minute to minute basis about things I can't even tell my self much less someone else.

Tomorrow I am going shopping at Sears with my mom, and I hope I don't crash after I splurge on some damn shoes. I spent too much last week, and that actually wreacs (sp?!?!?) havoc on me emotionally.

And it sure isn't as if we have any money, so that sucks.

Ummmm.

I felt exasperated reading a journal entry out there today in the harsh cold world that I felt was judgmental as hell. And wrong. Full of errors and wrongness.

But I like her, what are ya gonna do. Sometimes people think they like me and I let 'em, but I know by things they say, that if they're that unguardedly intolerant of others, than they would surely love to get a load of the real me.

It makes me sick, really.

Scripts - scripting languages suck my rear.

I am taking a different class soon.

I am sick of reading the letters CGI, in any sequence.

Oh I know why I began this. Remember my friend whom I mentioned many episodes earlier, who has a son (4 at that time), and a nasty husband who kicked me out of their house that one time? (Go back to the beginning and start over....my writing was better than anyway) Well. The reason she didn't call me for the past year and a half, was because she was busy having the %^$#@'s second son.

She called me tonight - her new baby is five weeks old. She wants to hang out.

I'd love to - if I could avoid ever dealing with his lame lame lameness ever again, because I am afraid of him and he's a jackass.

I have missed her so much and every little new phase J goes through I regret that she isn't seeing it.

Good night.