12:03 a.m.||||2001-12-26
I have become part of a truly wonderful extended family. My son is going to grow up loved and protected by very kind souls. Although he has no idea, he had a terrific first Christmas.
Due to the fact that my car is a piece of crap, which has disallowed my immediately taking a job slinging hash, we were broke, dead-dick broke, and Christmas almost didn't come to our town this year. But luckily, the focus is on the kids - there has been a minor population explosion in Dave's family...three kids will be turning two about the same time, when they do! - and so no-one really gave a shit that we suck.
The best - absolutely sweetest - thing that happened was that on the morning of X-mas Eve, I recieved two packages and a wonderful letter from two of my friends from D-land. Worldgurl - who has a voice like sunshine, by the way - sent me Ann Lamott's "Operating Instructions" (yes, I know titles are underlined but I'm too tired to code), and a board book for my baby, with plush kitten fur (fake, duh) for him to pet...in introduction to the world of cats. She also sent me a lovely letter and was just the ray of hope I needed. And H-fresh made true and sent me 2 mix c.d.'s. Because, quite simply, he has a heart of gold and rocks! Words cannot express how touched I was by these gestures. It helped me realize that I am allowed to let go of friendships that don't work. It helped me realize that I am worth more than an obligatory phone call, made only to save face and not look cold. It's helping me to say goodbye for now to a longtime friend who has obviously lost complete interest and only deals with me out of guilt. I thank the new friends I've made for helping me inadvertently.
I love Dave so much and although we had a rough couple days - partially because here is where I vent and not so much to him anymore - I feel we are in a better space than we've been in for a while. Life's lessons don't always have to be catastrophic, do they?
I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday, whichever one it might have been...!