10:27 a.m.||||2001-12-09
I have something exciting to say.
First of all, I have a new mouse. Around here we are mouse-killers...this is our third mouse in three months. A mouse a month.
The new mouse is HI-TECH!
It has radioactive red light pouring out of its behind.
It has an automatic doo-hickey scroll!
It is a fine mouse and I hope to keep it alive.
Second of all, in "all" there are many! Guess....what....I'm....going....to....do?
Guess!!
I - me - this one right here - am going back to school in the foreseeable future, to become...a WEBMASTER!
Me - a WEBMASTER!!
Remember when I said my mom e-mailed me and was all like, you should go to school and become a WEBMASTER.? And I was like all, oh yeah, sure, on whose dime?
She worries for my future, shit, who among those love me doesn't. I live in a ghetto. I went to college for TEN - count 'em - TEN - years for something I have never wanted to do on the first place - teach English Literature.
I am a consumer and producer of literature, not a mitigator of consumption.
I started out in studio art....I was twenty, I had no discipline, it was before they built a new art department that has since spat several of my friends into actual arty-art-making lives. I never even declared art as a major even though I racked up two years of art pre-reqs, and then I had a blinding aneurysm and spun around and became a drop-out English major.
I have always said I should have had some idea of a career in mind when I started....
You guys who follow me know - I started hallucinating solutions to various problems in html in the past months - and before diaryland I didn't even know what hypertext markup language was. And now I do and everything is so different.
It's a two year program for certification in a community college which is renowned in this area.
It isn't terribly expensive - not a 100,000 dollar debt like my last endeavor. My debt is a person in and of itself. It has taken on dimensions that are hard to describe to someone whose motto isn't "blood from a turnip". I seriously thought I would be dead before I had to deal with it.
I'm too smart to allow myself to never envision something better for my life...more importantly, my son's life. I'm too smart to never challenge myself. I'm too smart to not look into paxil or behavior therapy or whatever to fix the source of the fear that makes some basic shit SOOOO difficult.
I keep thinking "I'm smart enough, I'm good enough, and dammit, people like me".
I AM SO EXCITED! Two years. Josh'll be three, not even in kindergarten yet. I can move us to Silicon Valley, he he. Or I can move to Wisconsin, or Maine or Georgia or San Diego or Utah or anywhere where there are people needing websites.
I hope the dland designing front never reads this - it's kind of embarassing to be excited about shit I can't do yet. But looking at my new html book last night I answered like ten of my own questions right off the bat and I was like, I can have this bitch up and running by the end of the month, mark my words in hypertext! I can make a form and give you templates. I can go thru the same exhausting time consuming, often thankless, bandwidth narrowing shit that Lex and Twiggle and others go through until they are disgusted and angry. And I can thank them hardcore because if I hadn't studied their work I would have never gone searching for fragments. I would not have given such IN DEPTH consideration to the rules of etiquette.
Nothing has spoken so clearly to me since I fell in love with le francais and was hated by all the other students in my linguistics classes for being so damn enthusiatic all the time. I was actually meant to be a french linguist...but missed that boat while clinging to the back of the barge of self-destruction. Which was heading the opposite direction.
I want to show my mom this site - to explain what I learned in the process of finding and modifying it - but you know, I don't want my mom reading this. Who wants their mother reading their "super secret diary" - not me. (Ya know, Beecroft, you've done me a slight disservice by putting "super" back into my vocab. I suck up other people's vernacular like nobodies business. But I do not steal html.)
So, how am I? Super! Thanks for asking!
I must go and design our Christmas calendars with my new software. Ahhhh, software.